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What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation in Roseville, CA?

Fri, 10 Apr 2026 12:00:45 GMT

Summary

The next of kin typically provides legal authorization for burial or cremation.
Funeral homes often request identification, vital information, and signed authorization forms.
Documentation needs may vary by state and individual circumstances.
Funeral professionals help guide families through each step with care and clarity.

What Is Needed from Next of Kin for Burial and Cremation

Families in Roseville, California often ask what is needed from the next of kin when planning burial or cremation . According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), funeral professionals typically rely on the legal next of kin to provide written authorization before arrangements can move forward.

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) explains that authorization supports transparency under the Funeral Rule, helping families understand their rights and choices. Next of kin most often includes a spouse, adult child, parent, or legally appointed representative.

Identification and Essential Documentation

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) highlights the importance of accurate information when preparing an official death certificate. Because of this, funeral homes often request the following from the next of kin:

A government-issued photo ID for the person authorizing arrangements.
Vital details about the deceased, including legal name, date of birth, parents’ names, and Social Security number.
Signed authorization forms for burial or cremation.
Information required to complete and file the death certificate.

Providing this information helps ensure arrangements follow legal guidelines while honoring the wishes of the family.

Why Authorization Matters

Authorization confirms that the individual making decisions has the legal right to do so. For burial, families may need to confirm cemetery property or permit information. For cremation, a signed Cremation Authorization Form is typically required, and some situations may involve a brief waiting period or additional review.

Funeral professionals at Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc. support families throughout Roseville, California, helping them feel informed and cared for during a difficult time.

FAQs

Who is considered the next of kin?

The next of kin is typically a spouse, adult child, parent, or legally appointed representative authorized to make final arrangements.

What documents are needed to start arrangements?

Most funeral homes request identification for the next of kin, vital information for the death certificate, and signatures on authorization forms for burial or cremation.

Do requirements differ by state?

Yes. Requirements may vary by state or situation, so families should consult their funeral home for guidance specific to their location.

Written for Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc., proudly serving families in Roseville, California with compassion and care.

About Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc.

Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc. serves families in Roseville, California with respectful funeral and cremation services. The funeral home is located at 1830 Sierra Gardens Dr. #20, Roseville, CA 95661 , and families may call (916) 580-0189 for thoughtful guidance and assistance.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

Why Do Funeral & Cremation Costs Vary in Roseville, California?

Fri, 06 Mar 2026 13:00:15 GMT

Summary

• Funeral and cremation costs may vary based on location, facilities, staffing, and service options.

• Families in Roseville may notice pricing differences tied to personalization, professional care, and available amenities.

• Regulatory requirements, coordination, and documentation often influence overall costs.

• The FTC’s Funeral Rule ensures transparent, itemized pricing so families can make informed decisions.

Why Do Funeral and Cremation Costs Vary?

Families in Roseville, California, often ask why funeral and cremation costs can differ from one funeral home to another. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), these differences are common nationwide and are influenced by local operating expenses, staffing needs, and the type of services selected. All referenced guidance is accurate as of 2025.

Regional Costs and Overhead

Location plays an important role in funeral pricing. Funeral homes serving communities across California may face varying costs related to property, utilities, insurance, and staffing. These overhead factors can influence how services are priced.

Even within the same region, pricing may reflect differences in facility size, availability of staff, and the resources required to maintain spaces for visitations, ceremonies, and gatherings.

Facilities, Services, and Personalization

The Federal Trade Commission (FTC) requires funeral homes to provide an itemized General Price List (GPL), which helps families understand what services are included and which options are optional. Pricing may vary depending on available amenities such as chapels, reception areas, or an on-site crematory.

Service choices also influence cost. A traditional funeral with visitation often involves more coordination, preparation, and staff time than direct cremation or a simple memorial service. Personalization—such as music, printed materials, or video tributes—may add to the total cost.

Professional Care, Coordination, and Transparency

According to the Cremation Association of North America (CANA), cremation arrangements may vary based on service level and provider resources. Transportation, care of the deceased, required documentation, and scheduling all involve professional expertise and time.

Many families find it helpful to request GPLs from multiple providers, ask questions, and consider preplanning. Planning ahead may help clarify wishes and reduce stress for loved ones.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why do funeral homes charge different prices for similar services?

Pricing often reflects local operating costs, facility offerings, staffing levels, and the amount of personalization selected.

What is a General Price List (GPL)?

Under the FTC’s Funeral Rule, funeral homes must provide a General Price List showing itemized prices for services and merchandise.

Can families compare prices before making arrangements?

Yes. Families may request a GPL , ask questions, and take time to compare options before deciding on services.

Written for Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc., proudly serving families in Roseville with compassion and care.

About Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc.

Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc. is located at 1830 Sierra Gardens Dr. #20, Roseville, CA 95661 . Families may contact the funeral home at 916-580-0189 for guidance and support.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

How Much Does Cremation Cost in Roseville, CA?

Fri, 06 Feb 2026 13:00:26 GMT

Summary

• Cremation costs vary depending on the type of service selected and level of care.

• National data shows direct cremation is often the most affordable option.

• Adding a memorial or funeral service can increase overall cost.

• Planning ahead helps families understand options and make informed decisions.

How Much Does Cremation Cost?

Families in Roseville, California, often ask how much cremation costs and what influences pricing. According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with cremation is approximately $6,280, while direct cremation typically ranges from $2,800 to $3,000. These figures are based on the 2024 General Price List Study and are accurate as of 2025.

Direct cremation generally includes the cremation itself, basic professional services, and required documentation, without a formal ceremony. When families choose to hold a memorial or funeral service with cremation, additional services and use of facilities may affect the total cost.

Why Cremation Costs Vary

Cremation costs vary based on service options, level of personalization, and merchandise selections. Some families prefer a simple approach, while others choose services that reflect personal, cultural, or religious traditions.

Local considerations such as staffing, facilities, and regulatory requirements in the Roseville area may also influence pricing.

Helping Families Plan Ahead

Many families find comfort in planning cremation arrangements in advance. Preplanning allows individuals to explore options, document wishes, and reduce stress for loved ones.

Funeral professionals help guide families through available choices with transparency and care.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is cremation typically less expensive than burial?

Cremation is often less expensive because it typically does not involve cemetery property, burial vaults, or caskets. However, total costs depend on the services selected.

Can families still hold a service with cremation?

Yes. Families may hold a memorial or celebration of life before or after cremation, depending on their preferences.

What does direct cremation usually include?

Direct cremation typically includes transportation, basic professional services, required documentation, and the cremation itself, without a formal service.

Written for Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc., proudly serving families in Roseville with compassion and care.

About Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc.

Families in Roseville, California, can turn to Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc., located at 1830 Sierra Gardens Dr. #20, Roseville, CA 95661 , or call 916-580-0189 for caring and professional guidance.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

How Much Does a Funeral Cost in Roseville, CA?

Fri, 09 Jan 2026 13:00:24 GMT

Summary

• Funeral costs vary based on the type of service, personalization, and regional factors.
• According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with burial is $8,300.
• A funeral with cremation has a lower national median cost of $6,280.
• Planning ahead can help families make informed decisions and reduce stress.

How Much Does a Funeral Cost?

Families in Roseville, California, often wonder how much a funeral may cost and what influences pricing. While every service is personal, national data provides a helpful starting point when planning.

According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), the national median cost of a funeral with viewing and burial is around $8,300. A funeral with cremation has a national median cost of about $6,280, based on the 2024 General Price List Study. These figures are accurate as of 2025.

Funeral costs often vary depending on the type of service selected, the use of facilities, and the level of personalization chosen. Services typically include professional care of the deceased, guidance from the funeral director and staff, coordination of arrangements, and transportation.

Some families may choose burial with a traditional viewing, while others may choose cremation followed by a memorial service. General merchandise selections, such as a casket or urn chosen to reflect a loved one’s preferences, may also influence the total cost.

Planning ahead allows families time to ask questions, understand available options, and make thoughtful decisions that reflect their wishes while easing the burden on loved ones.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is typically included in funeral costs?

Funeral costs often include professional services, care of the deceased, use of facilities, and transportation. Specific services vary based on the type of arrangement selected.

Are cemetery costs included in funeral pricing?

Cemetery-related expenses are typically separate from funeral home charges and are not included in the NFDA’s national averages.

Does planning ahead help manage funeral costs?

Yes. Planning ahead allows families to explore options, ask questions in advance, and make informed decisions that can help reduce uncertainty.

Written for Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc., proudly serving families in Roseville with compassion and care.

About Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc.

Families in Roseville, California, can turn to Sierra View Funeral Chapel and Crematory, Inc. for caring and professional guidance when planning funeral and cremation services. Located at 1830 Sierra Gardens Dr., Suite 20, Roseville, CA 95661, their dedicated staff can be reached at (916) 580-0189 to answer questions and provide support.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

What To Expect with Cremation?

Mon, 10 Feb 2025 18:13:19 GMT

Cremation has been around for thousands of years. It is required by some faiths and forbidden by others. Governments, charged with protection of the public health and aesthetic of the community, have laws governing both cremation and burial practices. One way to view burial and cremation is to look at each as a means to the same end. Dust to dust. Cremation is quick, and burial is slow. Either one is a legal and acceptable means to the end. Most people understand what burial is about, but questions remain about cremation.

Cremation takes place in a chamber designed specifically for the purpose of reducing human remains to basic elements. This chamber is called a retort, cremator, or cremation chamber. One human body and only one at a time is cremated in the cremator. The body is clothed or shrouded and placed in a container before being placed in the cremation chamber. The container is made of a combustible material.

The cremation process takes from 2 to 3 hours. The time varies based on the size of the body and heat capacity of the cremation chamber. Typically, the chamber reaches between 1500 and 1900 degrees during the cremation process. The body is reduced to bone fragments. After cremation the chamber cools and the contents are swept clean, any metal is collected, and the larger bone fragments are crushed. The finished product is greyish white in color and is similar to the consistency of aquarium gravel. It is coarser than dust or ashes.

On average, four to six pounds of cremated remains are produced. The height of the individual has more impact on the amount of remains than the weight of the person. The composition of cremated remains is largely calcium carbonate. There are several options of what to do with remains. It is important, and sadly often overlooked, to have a plan for cremated remains that is acceptable for the family.

Cremated remains can be buried in a cemetery. Many cemeteries allow one cremated family member to be buried in the same grave space along with another family member. This option is a cost savings since a second burial space is not needed. It also gives family members the benefit of having a location to visit and remember.

Ashes can also be scattered on private property or buried at sea. See epa.gov for the laws regarding burial at sea. There are also services that will assist a family with carrying out a sea burial. It is always advisable to work through your family funeral home. Your local funeral director will know who to call and who can be trusted to carry out your family member’s wishes.

It is also possible for family members to keep the remains in an urn or in attractive jewelry pieces. The best person to help you sort out all of these decisions and choices is your funeral director or advance funeral planner. Both typically offer consultation at no cost.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

Cremation Society or Funeral Home

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 20:27:02 GMT

Cremation, like electric cars and cell phones is here to stay. For some people cremation is part of their religious practice. For other people, cremation just feels right for them. The big question is who should help you with your cremation, a society or a funeral director?

Cremation Societies specialize in what is called a direct cremation. Direct cremation means the society will remove the deceased from the place of death and take the body directly to their crematory where the cremation process will take place. Following cremation, the ashes are returned to the family in a bag or box. It’s all pretty quick. The cost is quite low for direct cremation.

But something is missing.

How do we feel when a family member dies? What helps? Death is a loss. It is hard to describe how loss feels, but it is something like a void, a vacuum, or an energy shift. You see something close when you watch victims of the California wild fires or a tornado on television. You see that dazed and stunned look on their faces. That is loss. There they stand looking at a pile of rubble that was their home … and now it is gone. That look is about loss of a building. Loss of a person, someone you love, is so much more. It hurts your heart.

Funeral directors are trained and specialize in taking care of the deceased AND in taking care of the family of the deceased. They know people need more. They are going to encourage you to slow down a little and give the family a little time for the reality of the loss to sink in. Give a little time for the family to consider what they need to do to begin to heal.

Funeral directors specialize in helping families put together a gathering to honor the one who died. They know that being with those you love and who love you helps. They know words, as a part of a religious, spiritual, or life celebration ceremony help. Funerals are the funeral director’s specialty. They have done this many times with many families. Funeral directors are the experts.

Of course, the funeral home will help you with a direct cremation if that is what your family prefers. To be fair, cremation societies will also add on some service options at the family’s request. As you add services the cost increases. It is important to look for value.

The funeral home is staffed by licensed trained funeral directors and serves families from a clean, company ready facility with plenty of parking and is a good value. Do your homework. Where will cremation take place? If your family wants service where will the service take place? If you add service and products what is the difference in price? How important is cost over expertise? Share your budget with the funeral director at your funeral home. Don’t assume you need to sacrifice ceremony for savings.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

What To Look for When You Are Buying Final Expense Insurance

Thu, 19 Dec 2024 05:00:00 GMT

What To Look for When You Are Buying Final Expense Insurance

Cost is important, but it’s not the whole story. Take a look at the premium, the amount you will pay each month, how long will you pay that amount? It is not uncommon to pay until you are 100 or even older. Will you be able to pay that amount each month as you age? What if you live to be 100? Will the benefit stay in place? How much will you have paid in by that time? It’s not unheard of for people to end up paying more than they will receive in death benefits.

Look at the coverage. How much will be paid on your death? Most policies are for a fixed amount your family will receive when you die. This is the death benefit. How soon will you be covered for the full amount? Sometimes you will need to make payments for as long as two years before you would be eligible for the full death benefit. Often the death benefit stays the same over the course of your lifetime. So, as you age and the price of funerals increases, your policy is at risk of falling short and not providing your family with enough to cover the cost of your funeral.

Before you sign anything, call your local funeral home. Ask for an appointment with the funeral professional who takes care of advance funeral planning. When you meet with this individual be straight forward. Share your financial situation. See what the funeral home has to offer.

Most of the time the funeral home’s funding program is a little more per month but you make payments for a much shorter period of time. So, you pay much less in the long run. If you are in good health you will most likely be covered as soon as the policy is issued. Some funeral homes even offer a cost guarantee which means you have no worries about the rising cost of funerals.

It’s always worth the extra time to be sure you are getting the best final expense coverage you can afford. The one that will really be there for your family when it’s needed.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Normandy’s Hallowed Ground

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 22:04:44 GMT

Every year on June 6, we recognize the anniversary of the Normandy Invasion during World War II. The invasion by the Allied Forces established a foothold on the shores of France; and was the start of the Allied advance into the interior which eventually lead to victory in Europe and liberty for the millions of people living under the tyranny of Adolf Hitler. The costly battle was the most important allied victory in the second world war.

The campaign began on June 6 and ended on June 30. During that period 425,000 Allied and German troops were killed, wounded, or went missing. Many are buried in the 27 war cemeteries, ranging in size from 30 graves to 20,000, in Normandy.

The Normandy American Cemetery is the resting place for 9,387 Americans, most of whom gave their lives during the landing operations and in the establishment of the beachhead. The headstones are of white Italian marble adorned with a Star of David for those of Jewish faith and a Latin Cross for all others. The permanent cemetery is located on land France granted to the United States in perpetuity.

For those fortunate enough to visit the burial grounds, the experience is singular. Approaching alone or with a group the mood changes. Breathing slows, the chatter quiets, tones are hushed. The feeling is somber. It draws you in.

And then, there it is, pristine lush green lawn dotted by thousands of white markers in perfect formation overlooking the very beaches where those buried here fought and died.

Visitors are, at first, overwhelmed by the sheer number of markers. But as you get closer and begin to read the engravings, the reality of the cost of war begins to sink in. So many died, they were so very young, and all lost in such a short span of time.

All those lives ended before they ever really began. So many who would never find their true love, hold a new born child of their own, or buy a home. So many who never got to experience all the post war changes the rest of us take for granted. Those buried here did not live to see air travel become commonplace, a man land on the moon or watch a color television.

They were heroic and their sacrifice was great. We must never forget.

The anniversary is an opportunity to honor those lost. It is also an opportunity celebrate peace and reconciliation. In our mindfulness we become aware of the fragility of peace and the pain of war. It is that mindfulness that makes us better people.

In the words of the late John Lennon…

Imagine all the people
Living life in peace 

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

The History of Veterans Day

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 22:02:48 GMT

Veterans Day, a national and state holiday, serves as a day for Americans to come together to show their deep respect and appreciation for the military veterans of our country. It is the one day a year when we pause, reflect and show our gratitude to all those who are serving or have ever served in our military. So how did it come to be?

What we know today as Veterans Day was originally called Armistice Day. On November 11, 2019, we celebrate the 101st anniversary of the armistice that ended World War I. This armistice was signed at the 11th hour on the 11th day in the 11th month of 1918. At the time, we believed World War I was “the war to end all wars”. One year after the armistice, President Woodrow Wilson proclaimed November 11th as Armistice Day to commemorate the end of World War I. In his address to his “fellow-countrymen” delivered from the White House on November 11, 1919, Woodrow Wilson praised the contribution of the American people and shared hope for the future.

With splendid forgetfulness of mere personal concerns, we remodeled our industries, concentrated our financial resources, increased our agricultural output, and assembled a great army, so that at the last our power was a decisive factor in the victory. We were able to bring the vast resources, material and moral, of a great and free people to the assistance of our associates in Europe who had suffered and sacrificed without limit in the cause for which we fought. 

Out of this victory there arose new possibilities of political freedom and economic concert. The war showed us the strength of great nations acting together for high purposes, and the victory of arms foretells the enduring conquests, which can be made in peace when nations act justly and in furtherance of the common interests of men. 

To us in America the reflections of Armistice Day will be filled with solemn pride in the heroism of those who died in the country’s service, and with gratitude for the victory, both because of the thing from which it has freed us and because of the opportunity it has given America to show her sympathy with peace and justice in the councils of nations. 

Of course, lasting peace was not to be. After the Second World War, Alabama veteran Raymond Weeks had the idea to expand Armistice Day to honor all veterans. On May 26, 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower signed into a law a bill presented by Congressman Ed Rees from Kansas establishing Armistice Day as a national holiday eight years after Weeks began celebrating Armistice Day for all veterans. Congress amended the bill on June 1, 1954, replacing "Armistice" with "Veterans," and it has been known as Veterans Day since.

Memorial Day honors those who died in service, Armed Services Day honors those who currently serve. Veterans Day honors ALL veterans. Thank a Veteran on November 11th and be very proud and happy to go to bed tonight in the United States of America.

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

The Gift of a Note to Your Family

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 22:01:07 GMT

Nothing means more to a grieving child, spouse, sister, brother or friend than a personal note from the deceased. It’s something that will be cherished. The note will make its way out of it’s safe keeping spot whenever the mourner needs to feel close to the person who died. It will be read on those tearful days that are sure to come. It will also be read on those days that are full of joyful remembrance.

The note doesn’t have to be eloquent. It doesn’t have to be brilliant or witty. It doesn’t have to be long. It just needs to tell the person how you feel about them. The writer might also include what they liked about recipient, enjoyed doing with them, or how the person was helpful. The note can express gratitude or love. It can include a shared “remember when” story. In the end it’s a love note. A personal connection that lasts even when life has ended.

So, when do you write these notes and where do you keep them? There really is no need to wait. Write your notes today or tomorrow as you live your life. They can always be revised and updated. Waiting may mean that you never get around to it. Remember, life is fragile.

If you have an advance funeral plan on file at your preferred funeral home, you might ask the funeral director to keep them for you. Just imagine how lovely it would be for your family to receive your note at the conclusion of their conference with the funeral director to finalize your arrangements. If you don’t have a plan on file, make sure someone in your family knows where the notes are kept and when they should be distributed.

“We are fragile creatures, and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy.” 
― Desmond Tutu,  The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

Until Death Do Us Part: Losing a Spouse Three to Six months After Loss

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:59:31 GMT

By now most of the big stuff is probably done. The thank you notes have been written and mailed. The marker or head stone has been placed or you’ve found a place for the urn. You’ve probably filed for the life insurance, and perhaps you’ve even begun to clean out his closet.   

You may be wondering, what have I missed? 

Have you changed the titles to the car? 
Put the deed to the home in your name? 
Have you changed the utilities and cable service into your name? 
Is your medical power of attorney up to date? 
Have you updated your estate plan or will? 
Have you spoken to an accountant or tax expert about any tax consequences associated with gifts you have made or increased allocations from IRA or investments?

How about you? What are you doing to take care of you? 

Are you up-to-date with your health and dental care? 
Are you eating well? 
Are you learning to cook or have you gotten someone to mow the lawn? 
Have you had lunch or dinner with a friend? 
Have you done something fun? A movie? Golf? A ballgame?

Scientists tell us there is a hand/mind connection. Doing things with our hands actually increases our sense of well-being. Even simple chores such as washing the dishes, preparing your meal, or even making your bed help to provide purpose and a natural routine. Why not step outside of your box and try something creative that you used to enjoy doing or have thought about trying? Don’t discount the value of a craft, woodworking or art project. 

Finally, see people. Human contact is vital to your new normal. If your friends and family aren’t calling you, then call them. Look for a movie you would like to see, a museum you would like to visit, or a restaurant you would like to try and ask someone to join you.    

www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com

Writing the Thank You Notes

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:57:37 GMT

Writing thank you notes is usually one of the very first “after the funeral” tasks you will undertake. You may be surprised to find that your brain/hand coordination is not working so well. You sit there with pen in hand and well-formed thoughts in your head, but somehow it all gets lost between the head and the paper. Don’t despair. This is normal and it’s all part of the grief journey. You are not thinking straight now, but you will again soon. 

First, let’s tackle who gets a “thank you” and then I can give you a few wordy ideas to help you get started. Anyone who made a donation or sent flowers should get a thank you note from a family member. You will also want to send a note to people who helped. Maybe they provided food or took care of the dog for you or picked up people at the airport. All of those folks should receive a note of thanks. You do not need to send notes to people who sent condolence cards, emails, or texts.  

Your words can be brief. No one expects a long letter from you at this time. It is just nice to know that the flowers arrived, or the donation was received. Your kind friends just need to hear thank you. 

Thank you for all your kindness ….   

Your help meant so much to us….  

We all loved the broccoli, thank you for taking care of us ….  

Your flowers were so beautiful and such a comfort to us ….  

For some, these are written the day after the funeral. Everyone sits around the kitchen table to write the thank you notes and everyone laughs as more than a few notes are torn and tossed in the trash. This may be the first laughter heard in several days. 

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Dad Died. What Do I Do with the Pills?

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:56:06 GMT

Prescription medication is expensive. Just that fact can be an understandable motivation for some risky business. When my father died, my mother was asking everyone, “Aren’t you on blood pressure medicine?  You take this heart pill don’t you?  What do you take for depression?” Her plan, no waste. My mom will also save four string beans when dinner is over. The beans I can live with, the pills I think we are treading on thin ice. It’s just best to follow the FDA recommendations. 

In order to keep drugs from falling into the wrong hands (children, pets, and addicts) the FDA recommends that you dispose of all medication as soon as possible. They suggest three options. 

Take Back Programs :   

These are periodic events scheduled in your community for a specified date and time. In addition, some communities have permanent collection sites, you can find the location of permanent collection sites at the FDA website. 

Disposal in Household Trash:    

Many medications can be disposed of in the household trash following this process. 

Mix - the pills with dirt, cat litter, or coffee grounds. Do not crush the pills 

Seal – the mixture in a plastic bag 

Throw – the bag in the household trash 

Scratch – scratch the information on the prescription label off the bottle and discard 

Flushing down the toilet:   

FDA recommends that a short list of drugs be immediately flushed. These drugs are dangerously addictive for children and others who have not been prescribed the medication. A complete list of these drugs is posted on the FDA website.

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Mother Died...How Long Do We Keep Her Things?

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:53:22 GMT

Separating from a loved one’s belongings is one of the more difficult jobs you will have to do after a death. It is amazing how much is collected over a lifetime. You probably won’t get it done in a day and you will probably shed a few tears.   

Ask for help. Accepting and asking for help is harder than you might think. It is hard to turn over the decision of what goes and what stays to someone else. If your offer of help is refused, be understanding. Your mother may need to handle every one of your deceased father’s possessions before anything can go. Give her some time and then offer to help again a little later. Offering to box or bag after items have been sifted through is a huge help.  

If you are the decision maker, consider providing some guidelines and then letting go. It’s a big job. Some help will be nice.  

First contact your family members to determine what they might be interested in having. Give people some notice and a time limit, “If there is anything that you want from Mom’s wardrobe please come and get it before next week. I am going to sort through then and will be giving things to charity.” 

Second, make it a goal to handle things once. To keep you on track, get boxes, bins or bags and mark them FOR CHARITY, FOR TRASH, TO KEEP.  Keep those boxes moving. At the end of the day take the trash to the trash and the charity to the donation site so that you won’t be tempted to go through them just one more time.   

If you are thinking about having a sale, think long and hard. People haggle at tag and garage sales. Are you emotionally prepared to dicker over the value of your dad’s favorite tie or his collection of fishing lures? Might it be better to think of his things finding new homes with people who need them? Sales are a lot of work, be kind to yourself, avoid taking on too much. 

Procrastination won’t make the task easier. If you cannot take care of the sorting and giving, turn the job over to someone else. If you are a procrastinator, storage units have your name written all over them. Calculate the annual cost. Ask yourself, “What will change between now and next year?” Have a plan. When does the storage end? 

Memories are attached to our stuff. You will no doubt take more than a few walks down memory lane. Slow down and enjoy the journey. A life is over, but it’s not forgotten.

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Memorial Day

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:51:40 GMT

What is the purpose of Memorial Day? Why do we have this holiday?

Of course, it is a three-day weekend. A perfect time to hit the road and do something in the great outdoors. After all, in most parts of the country it’s the start of the Summer season. Time to clean off the grill, get out the frisbee, and invite family and friends over for the first barbecue of the season.

But wait, before you get going on the “Yay! It’s Summer” theme, take a moment to remember the origin of this holiday.

It started as Decoration Day. The Civil War ended in the Spring of 1865 claiming 600,000 lives. More lives than in other wars in US History. Decoration Day was a day set aside to decorate the graves of those who died in this war. Graves were decorated with flowers and flags with a goal to honor the ultimate sacrifice of those who died. By the end of the 1800’s Decoration Day was an official holiday.

After World War I, Decoration Day was changed to Memorial Day. The revamped holiday was set aside as a time to remember all who gave their lives in service of our country in any war. Memorial Day is a distinctively American holiday and is properly celebrated with red, white, and blue American enthusiasm.

It is also a time to visit the cemetery and decorate the graves, fly the flag, and go to a parade. It might also be a time to think about and learn a little about American History. You could even make it a family activity. Get the kids to put those electronic devices to good use playing Memorial Day Trivial Pursuit of sorts. How many wars have we Americans participated in? Where did we fight? Why were we fighting? Just go with the tried and true journalism questions… who, what, where, when, and why. There is a lot to learn. Your family might even have a discussion!

Use a little of that time off work to learn about, remember, and honor all the men and women who have died in military service.

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Spring: A fresh optimistic start

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:49:59 GMT

The birds are back. Nest building is underway across America. The early blooms dot the landscape with bright yellows and blues. The grass is that beautiful fresh green that only happens this time of year. Spring has arrived. People feel revitalized, ready to take on new tasks and are optimistic about the future.

Of course, not everyone is in on the fun. Some folks struggle. Perhaps they have experienced a loss or change in their life that has them feeling down. Or, maybe they are caught up in the negative spiral of information and talk. What makes the difference? What makes the optimist optimistic?

Are those optimists just lucky to feel so up and energetic? Are they without challenges and personal loss? Are optimists born or, are they made? Do they remain upbeat in spite of adversity or, are they just getting a free ride and feeling no pain?

Optimists tell us their positive outlook is the result of conscious effort. It’s mind over matter. Optimists work at focusing on the positive. They are not immune to those “Henny Penny the sky is falling” feelings of fear and panic. They get them too. The difference is they actively work at looking for the positive and protecting their optimistic attitude.

When optimists feel panic, they reset their thinking by asking themselves, “Am I really okay right now, in this minute? Is there something I can do to improve the situation or is it out of my control? Do I need to ask for help or do I have the resources to deal with this myself?” If action is needed, they take that first tiny step to improve their situation. They own what they can do and let go of what they cannot improve, change, or fix.

Optimists live in the moment. We all hear about living in the moment, but some have no idea what that phrase means, much less how to go about doing it. Living in the moment means being mindful. Paying attention to where you are and what you are doing right now.

So, for example, the simple task of walking the dog with your mind racing. Thinking about all you need to do when the walk is over is a chore. When approached from a living in the moment perspective you will pay attention to the way the dog notices little changes in the familiar path. See what he sees, smell the fresh air, notice the squirrels and birds look at the sun and the clouds. The same walk becomes a joy. Optimists milk the joy from every task from washing the car to weeding the garden.

Optimists protect their positive attitude. Everyone knows people who just want to talk about the bad stuff. It’s a world of the service is never just right, the weather is always a little off, and the world is going to hell in a hand basket. These people could drag down an elephant.

Optimists don’t play that game. They don’t feed the negative by jumping in it themselves. They shut that negative talk down with something positive, or they just don’t spend as much time with those people.

Seeing the good in things, being positive and optimistic expands and becomes easier as the attitude is nurtured. When we are kind and up-beat and others mirror what we do, we all benefit as the reflections become infinite.

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Honoring Military Service

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:48:13 GMT

Taps. There is nothing like the sound of those patriotic notes. It grabs your heart, it makes you cry. It honors the service and risk a man or woman took for our safety and the safety of our country.  

Public law provides military burial benefits for all who served and were honorably discharged from any of the five branches of the U.S. Military. Your funeral director or advance funeral planner can explain all of the benefits you or your family members are eligible to receive. They will also access those benefits related to the funeral or burial on your behalf. Your funeral director can help you weave the remembrance of your loved one’s military service into the fabric of their full life experience.  

Most who have served in any of the branches of our military, whether it be for a few years or as a career, will tell you the experience had a profound impact on their life.  Even when the service period was brief and at a tender age and followed by many years of some other vocation, that service should be honored.   

The funeral professionals at your local funeral home have the resources and know how to help you get the remembrance just right. In addition to the playing of taps and flag ceremony provided by public law, there are caskets, vaults, and urns that highlight each branch of the armed services to be considered. Photos and music can also be a part of the funeral gathering or ceremony and can add so much to the remembrance.   

How much or how little your family wishes to focus on the military service of a loved one is a matter of personal choice. With the assistance of your funeral director, a military service can be planned that finds the perfect balance for your family. 

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Flowers and Funerals

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:44:42 GMT

What’s the story behind flowers at a funeral? Well, back in the day before funeral directors perfected the art and science of embalming, flowers were used to mask the odor of the body.

In modern times flowers are no longer needed to mask unpleasant odors but they have come to be a part of the funeral for other reasons. When we struggle to find words to comfort a friend, flowers speak eloquently for us. They express that we care. Flowers can be sent from any place in the world to any place in the world. When we are not able to go to the service, flowers stand in our stead. Flowers are always in good taste and they are appreciated for the beauty and serenity they bring to the occasion.

Did you know different flower colors have different meanings? White flowers symbolize honor and innocence. In many religions, death means going to heaven and a return to innocence. White lilies, carnations, roses, and cushion poms are often used in funeral arrangements.

Red flowers are frequently given by a spouse or close family member. Red blooms symbolize courage, strength, and love. The red tulip is a symbol of perfect love. Blue flowers such as hydrangea and cornflowers represent peace and serenity. Yellow flowers symbolize friendship and new beginnings.

Flowers for the casket are usually provided by close family members. Funeral flowers are sent directly to the funeral home and are not usually addressed to a particular family member, but rather are sent in honor of the deceased. It is appropriate to send smaller cut flowers or plants of remembrance to individual family members at their home.

Flowers help us communicate feelings of the heart. Flowers speak for us and say we love you, we support you, we are proud of you, and we are with you on your grief journey.

In recorded time, and probably before, communities have understood the importance of gathering following a death. Paying respects to the deceased and comforting the survivors has been a part of life. Coming together when an important life event occurs is just natural. We come to see the new baby and we gather when a loved one’s life on this earth ends. We celebrate and remember with flowers.

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Celebrating Grads and Grands

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 21:42:50 GMT

Millions of high school students across the nation will graduate this year. There will be parties, balloons, cakes and speeches. Many of these young people will receive the gift of a wonderful little book written at 87 years of age by Dr. Seuss.

Oh, the Places You’ll Go! was the last book to be published during Seuss’s lifetime. It’s about the journey of life and its challenges. It’s inspiring and makes a terrific graduation gift and is sure to be appreciated by any graduating senior…especially when a check, gift card, or tickets to Europe are stuck inside.

But what about the other end of life. Shouldn’t there be another book… Oh, the Places You Have Been? Why, do people feel diminished as they age? Why are we taking less and less time to wrap up a life and tie it with a pretty ribbon? Why do we say, “No fuss needed for me, no funeral needed.”? Surely six, seven, or even nine decades of life are worth celebrating.

At the end of every life shouldn’t there be a look back? What about the choices that were made, the work that was done, the people encountered, the things that were learned? What about all that? Shouldn’t just sticking with it through all the ups and the downs of life merit a celebration of some kind? As Seuss advises, “With brains in your head and shoes full of feet, you can steer yourself in any direction you choose.”

There have to be stories. This is the generation that began with a party line telephone and is ending up with telephone watches that take pictures and tell you how many steps you’ve taken in a day! There have to be stories. These people served in Vietnam, listened to the Beatles, watched a man land on the moon. They had black and white TV that only sent a signal a few hours a day and they walked to the TV to change channels! There have to be stories.

Now is the time. Capture those stories. Ask your parent(s) about their life before you. Ask the same of grandparents. Ask about their hopes and dreams. What surprised them? What was fun and what was hard? Capture the stories and the life lessons. Prepare to celebrate the grands as well as the grads.

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Moving After a Spouse Dies?

Thu, 12 Dec 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Moving After a Spouse Dies?

One of the realities of losing a spouse or a parent is the impact that event has on living arrangements. Are we living in the “right” place? Is the house too big? Is it too far away from family? Will my surviving parent be safe where they live? Should I move to be closer to mom or should mom move closer to me?

These are tough questions and they come at a time when emotions are running so very high. They also come at a time when income has likely decreased, perhaps requiring a change be made sooner rather than later. Conventional wisdom says wait at least a year before you make any big changes to your living situation, but the reality is waiting a year may not be financially possible. If you are able to slow down and let the dust settle a bit, that is no small blessing.

Really, it all boils down to three considerations: happiness, safety, and finances. The surviving spouse needs to be in a place that not only works financially, but also is safe and happy. You are going to need to use both your rational mind and your emotions if you are to make the best decision.

On the face of it, the financial consideration seems to be the trump card. After all, you have to be able to afford where you live. However, it is not always that simple. When the happiest place is affordable but not the most frugal choice, then maybe happy trumps financially smart? Decisions based on both emotion and rational thought are usually the best decisions.

That emotional happiness factor also impacts the safety issue. Perhaps the safest living arrangement isn’t going to be a happy situation? In that case, put your rational mind to work on finding a way to make the happy place safer.

You have to find the best fit answer for your family. As you are weighing those three considerations, resist the temptation to base the decision on what you think may happen or will happen down the road. Consider the wisdom of making decisions in the present, based on present circumstances. So, if dad is safe, happy and can afford to stay in his present home maybe no change is necessary … for now.

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How To Dress For a Funeral

Thu, 05 Dec 2024 05:00:00 GMT

How To Dress For a Funeral

First, understand that what you wear to the funeral is much less important than actually going to the funeral or gathering. Don’t underestimate the value of your presence.

Your kind words, shared stories, or even just a hug will mean a great deal to friends and family when there has been a death. Don’t let not having a pair of dress shoes keep you from offering your support.

That being said, what you wear depends on several different factors. The first thing to consider is who died.

If your 80-year-old grandfather passed, the funeral is likely to be more traditional. His older friends will attend, so you will want to be more conservative.

A pair of slacks and a collared shirt for men and boys will do nicely. If you own a sport coat, by all means wear it. A tie with or without the jacket would be a nice, but not a required, addition.

For the ladies and girls, dress slacks and a nice sweater or blouse will serve the purpose. A dress or skirt would also be lovely. Do pay attention to necklines and length of the skirt.

When the funeral is for a younger person or will not be faith based, it may be more informal.

A celebration of life is typically more relaxed and may even have a theme that the family will ask attendees to support. So if you’re asked to wear golf attire to the funeral of an avid golfer, don’t be surprised.

Like the dress code for most events today, what we wear to a funeral has relaxed. Black is no longer required, but neat, clean, and subdued are always in good taste.

A funeral is not a place to stand out or be the center of attention. As you survey your wardrobe, think in terms of what you would wear to an important job interview or something you would want to wear to apply in person for a bank loan.

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Saying Thank-You To a Veteran

Thu, 28 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Saying Thank-You To a Veteran

There are a million ways to say thank you. Great or small they all have value.

· Decide to always just say thank you whenever you see a person in uniform.

· When you see a person in uniform at the coffee shop or fast food restaurant pick up their tab if you can.

· At the airport trade your first class or comfort seat for their standard seat

· If you have a neighbor who is deployed offer to play catch with the kids or mow the lawn. Ask how you can help

· Send a care package by contacting Operation Gratitude

· Donate your old cell phone

· Drive a Veteran to their doctor appointments (contact the hospital services coordinator at the local VA hospital)

· Write a letter

· Volunteer at a VA hospital

· If you run a business hire a veteran - Hire Heroes USA

· Donate dollars or time to train service dogs for veterans - Patriot Paws or Puppy Jake Foundation

· Build a house for a veteran - Building Homes for Heroes

Big dollars or only a few dollars, lots of time or only a little time, where there is a will there is a way to say thank you to those who serve in our military.

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Too Little Too Late - A Memorial Gone Wrong

Thu, 21 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Too Little Too Late - A Memorial Gone Wrong

Yesterday, Jane was on duty as a tour guide at a lovely little pre-revolutionary war church in rural Virginia. It was late in the afternoon when a youngish woman wearing shorts and a Cubs ball hat stepped into the visitor’s center looking lost. Thinking that she might need directions, Jane quietly approached to offer her assistance. The seemingly lost young lady said she just wanted to go in the church.

Since visitors were not allowed in the church without a docent, Jane began to accompany her guest to her destination. Striking up a conversation, Jane quickly discovered there was a story behind the sad eyes of her visitor. She revealed her name was Stella and she was here from Chicago. The pair talked a bit and Jane started to tell her about the church. As they walked and talked, Jane casually asked, “What brings you to this part of Virginia?” Stella spoke in a soft tone revealing she was here for a “sort of” memorial service for her mother. The pain was obvious on her face with her lips quivering and eyes glistening with small pools of tears.

They walked into the church and sat in one of the high back pews carved from pine when George Washington was just three years old. The sun was shining through the wavy glass windows. Jane took Stella’s hands and asked her, “Would you like to tell me a little bit about your mother?” The floodgates opened. She talked for an hour. She told the story that was her Mom.

Stella was the single daughter. She had been the caregiver for her mother who died ten months ago. Her brother lived abroad and her sister and her family traveled frequently. Because it was hard to get them together, they all decided to forgo a funeral service and ship Mom’s cremated remains to Virginia for burial. It seemed, at the time, to make more sense to get together later.

They agreed on June for the get together since that’s when their family typically came to visit mom and dad in this part of Virginia. They all stayed at a local inn and had dinner at their parent’s favorite restaurant. It was nice, but something was missing. There was no service. No words were spoken for Stella’s mother. It wasn’t enough for her. It was too little and too late.

It was obvious to Jane that Stella was distraught. There had been no closure. Jane’s heart broke for her. Still, she couldn’t help but wonder why. Why was there no service? Even something small, private and simple would have been better than nothing.

Jane knew some people had a fear of planning a service. They don’t know how to or what to plan. They are at a loss. They should have they called the local funeral home for help. The funeral director could have helped them find someone to pull together a brief ceremony at the graveside or in the chapel. There could have even been a service in the lovely little church where Stella sat and cried with a stranger.

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Preplanning Your Funeral in Your 60’s

Thu, 14 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Preplanning Your Funeral in Your 60’s

According to a National Funeral Directors Association survey, more than half (62.5%) of us expect to participate in making our own funeral arrangements. And yet, less than a quarter of us have actually acted on that impulse. Not really so surprising since making funeral arrangements can literally be the very last thing we do. We can put it off right up to the end!

So, when do you think you should just go ahead and get it done? How about when you are critically ill? Or, maybe before you go on that cruise? Does when you go into the nursing home seem too late? How about as you are preparing for retirement? Actually, sooner is better than later for several reasons.

First, there is no down side to having your arrangements in place. If something new comes along or you change your mind about what you want, you can always make changes to your plan. If you move, you just move your plan. Nothing is carved in stone.

Second, there are some real up-sides to getting your funeral plan written and on file at the funeral home. For one thing, you just never know. people do die unexpectedly. And then there is the money. Historically funerals, like almost everything, have gone up in price over the years. The funeral of today will likely almost double in cost in 10 years. Why are you waiting?

Prearranged funerals are often funded in a way that buffers or even eliminates the impact of rising prices. You buy at today’s prices and you are done. When you plan in advance you also have the benefit of being able to pay over a specified period of time (you choose). As you age your choices become more limited. When you make your arrangements while you are in reasonably good health the cost of your funeral can be paid in full should you die before you’ve completed your payment cycle. Again, sooner is better than later.

The early 60’s is a good time to visit your neighborhood funeral home and get your plan written and on file. This is when you will get the most out of the funding options. It is also when you are likely to have a good idea of what you will want in the way of services. At this age you are grounded, and you are likely to still be earning income. Making payments for a bit will hardly be noticed. Then when you retire, and take that cruise, you can just enjoy. You’re all set to just enjoy the rest of what life has to offer.

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Grief Is Individual

Thu, 07 Nov 2024 05:00:00 GMT

Grief Is Individual

Let’s talk about the stages of grief. There is denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I studied them in nursing school, reviewed them when I got divorced and generally found them to be a pretty accurate and helpful bit of knowledge. And then, a family member died. Stages?

In our house it was more like we all went to the amusement park and were all on very different rides. Up and down, round and round, quiet and loud. We were definitely not that family walking together peacefully along a path through stages. We were all a bunch of nuts. Although we love each other, we were dangerously close to coming apart at the seams.

I don’t think we are the only ones. Death is the number one stressor for families. I’ve seen families break under the weight of illness and loss. Funeral directors will tell you the hardest part of their work is dealing with families who are emotionally fragmented.

We all experience grief differently. It’s a singular journey. But you have to get along. If you don’t work it out you risk losing your family, not just the one member who actually died. So, what helped us?

Deep breathing and listening, I mean really listening to understand not just hear. Recognizing anger as an expression of fear. Seeing frenzied activity as a coping mechanism for helplessness. Making room for each other’s ways of expressing love.

Accepting the prayers and the mementos even when the prayers aren’t ours and the memento is not what we would choose for a funeral.

Being tolerant of each other’s needs and expression of their personal grief. Looking for what’s motivating the behavior not just the behavior itself. Being kind and tolerant. Hugging the huggers and giving the non-huggers their space. Letting go of judgment and making room for differences. I mean really, so what if your sister cries loudly? What’s the harm?

The days before a funeral, the time during the arranging of the funeral and weeks following a funeral are not easy. You and your family can come out of it broken or stronger.

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How Should I Prepare for My Funeral Preplanning Meeting?

Thu, 31 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

How Should I Prepare for My Funeral Preplanning Meeting?

First, relax. Talking about your funeral plans might make you a little uncomfortable at first but making a plan doesn’t mean you will be using it anytime soon. Your funeral director or advance planner will guide you through the process. Most people get very comfortable in just a few minutes.

Do consider bringing someone with you. Be aware that children are often reluctant to come. They don’t want to think about losing you. Insist they come anyway. They will thank you later.

Do allow enough time. Typically, you will need an hour or two to get the most from your preplanning appointment.

Make a list of your questions. You may be undecided about some things. That’s fine. This meeting is a good place to get the information you will need. Just ask. Why should I have a gathering? Is it important for my family to see my body? If I am cremated what are my options for a service? What are the benefits of paying in advance? If I pay in advance can I make payments? Any question you have is a good question.

Probably the most important thing you can do to prepare for your meeting is simply to think about your family and your friends. Who are your people? Brothers, sisters, children, grandchildren, the friends you have known forever and the friends you see every day. Picture them. Think about them. What will they remember about you? What kind of a service will bring them comfort? Will they want to share stories? Will music be important? Will a spiritual component be a valuable part of your service?

Become aware that not everyone in your circle may find comfort in the same way. Tell your planner about the needs of your family and friends. Let the funeral professional help you find the right fit for your people. The funeral is for the survivors, so think about them.

People smile, they even laugh at these meetings. What you are about to do is a final gift for those you love.

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It's Not Really a Funeral Plan If It's Not at the Funeral Home

Thu, 24 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

It's Not Really a Funeral Plan If It's Not at the Funeral Home

Can I just say that funerals stick in the mind of a loved one years after a death? It’s important that you get it right. Please don’t put your wishes in the drawer with the rest of your files. Oh, and that thing where you tell the kids what you want. That’s not the best either.

Here’s what often happens:

The plan in the file - It might be part of the estate plan or stuck in with the financial advisor’s paperwork, or just written on some paper. It is highly likely that it will not be found until well after the funeral is over. In the hours following a death there are literally more than a hundred things to do. Trust me, I’ve seen the lists. People count this stuff. I know because I’ve just been through it myself. There is a lot to do over a short period of time when someone dies. Your family will not be going through the files.

They will not know you wanted to wear your blue dress and that you wanted The Wind Beneath My Wings sung at your funeral. They just won’t. So, imagine the anguish when they find your “plan” two weeks after the funeral service is over.

Imagine how they are going to feel when they realize they buried you in the wrong dress and sang the wrong song. Terrible. That’s how they will feel. Sadly, they’ll feel that way for a very long time.

You’ve told your kids what you want - Seems like it will be ok, but maybe not. My friend Martha and her two sisters have not been on speaking terms since their mother died. Seems everyone heard something different from Mom regarding what she wanted. The twins heard she didn’t care “do what you want”. So, when mom died visiting one of them a Southern Baptist service was arranged. That service stunned Martha who was raised Catholic and heard mom say she wanted “a service just like the one we did for your dad.”

Call the funeral home, make an appointment and get everything written down and on file at the funeral home. It’s easy and there is not charge for the appointment.

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Should I Go to the Funeral?

Thu, 17 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Should I Go to the Funeral?

Why should you attend a funeral? The presence of family and friends at the funeral is appreciated. We gather to acknowledge a life that was lived. We gather to comfort those for whom life has just been forever changed by the death of someone they loved.

If you care for one or more of the survivors, you should attend the funeral (even if you did not know the person who died). Your friend will appreciate your presence. Being there shows that you acknowledge that your friend’s life has changed in some way. Your presence shows your support.

If you knew the person who died but do not know their family, you should attend the funeral. Your presence demonstrates your respect for human life in general and the life of the person who died in particular. Perhaps you worked with the person who died. It is comforting for the surviving family to know the person they loved was also appreciated at work.

If you are hesitating because you are unfamiliar with the person’s faith and fear you will embarrass yourself or feel like a fish out of water, go anyway. You will be fine. You can prepare a little in advance by looking for some information online about the funeral customs of the family’s faith.

When should you stay home? Anytime you are going to a funeral and you know it will make one or more members of the immediate family uncomfortable, perhaps you shouldn’t go. If going is more about you and less about the deceased or the surviving family, don’t go. A funeral is not a place to prove a point.

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Thinking About Skipping the Funeral?

Thu, 10 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Thinking About Skipping the Funeral?

Are you considering going to a funeral? Will you be a guest or, are you the survivor in charge and deciding if there will even be a funeral? Either way, before you just skip the funeral perhaps you should consider how elephants behave when one of their species dies. Perhaps we have something to learn from Dumbo.

First of all, elephants are very busy mammals. Just like us, they have to work hard to keep life together. An elephant needs to spend nearly 20 hours per day looking for and eating food. However, they do take time to honor their dead. It is rare to see an elephant in the wild stand still. However, when they happen upon the remains of an elephant, they seem to understand they need to stop and take a minute to pay homage.

Elephants have a natural curiosity about death. They seem to understand that somehow death is connected to their own existence. They use their trunks to fondle the bones of the deceased. They are still and strangely quiet. They raise one foot and paw the air, they are gentle, and they shed tears.

Elephants, like humans, have very strong social bonds. They help one another. A funeral is an opportunity for people to gather and be still. It is our opportunity to pay homage to our human existence. It’s a safe place to shed a tear, give a hug, or tell a story. A funeral, in any one of many forms, is an opportunity to reach out to our fellow man and give or receive help and comfort.

There is still a lot of debate regarding whether or not elephants feel emotion. Some think yes and others are equally convinced emotion is exclusive to humans. So maybe we humans should embrace our emotion and just feel it? Having a funeral doesn’t make you sad. You are sad because someone has died. That sad emotion won’t go away just because you skip the funeral. The funeral is actually the first step in the long journey to feeling better.

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Finding YOUR Joy

Thu, 03 Oct 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Finding YOUR Joy

Even months after the funeral it’s not uncommon to feel just not exactly right. We all lose our way from time to time. Things happen and we can’t find our JOY. It’s not really so much gone, as it is misplaced. Life feels dull and the days seem to drag. No matter what the circumstances, if you look for it, you can find your own personal JOY again. However, you will have to work a bit to find it and reconnect.

To begin, you must put on your little super power cape and take control. You’ll have to take ownership of your joy. Terrible things happen to us in life. Illness of a loved one, your own illness, even the death of a loved one, there really are a lot of things to be unhappy about. You can, however, experience joy in spite of adversity. Make a positive decision to take your personal joy into your own hands and get it back!

Start by connecting with your senses, hearing, touch, smell, taste, and sight. Take them one by one and dig in. What sounds bring you joy? Maybe it’s the sound of little kids on the playground, or the Beatles, or waves crashing on the beach. Get out a piece of paper and make a list. You may be surprised at how many little tiny things you enjoy related to your senses.

Once you have identified things you like to smell, touch, taste, hear and see, you need to make a plan to get at least one of those things in your life on a daily basis. Turn on the music you love, buy yourself a bouquet of flowers, bake one little chocolate chip cookie every day! What the heck, they make that frozen cookie dough for a reason! Get up early once a week and see the sunrise. Take a walk. Put joy back in your life in its simplest forms. Just go for it. It’s not that hard.

Once your senses are starting to wake up again, start to think about gratitude. What are you thankful for? That time your dad took you fishing, that your grandmother taught you the names of all the birds, fireworks on the Fourth of July or the beauty of a tree. The list is endless, humbling, and there is joy in gratitude. Be grateful.

It’s YOUR JOY. Take it back.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

We All Love in Very Different Ways: Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral

Thu, 26 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

We All Love in Very Different Ways: Preserving the Family Relationship While Planning a Funeral

You are with someone with whom you share some history. Maybe it’s a brother, sister, or a childhood friend. You are talking about an event from the “old days” and you suddenly realize you all remember the event a little differently. Most of us have had this experience. Our relationships work in a similar fashion. The way we love, like the way we remember, is unique to each of us.

A man’s children know him as Dad. Each child knows and loves a slightly different Dad. His wife knows and loves him in yet a different way. A wife may know fears, strengths, hopes, and dreams children never saw. They all love, but in such different ways. Though not a bad thing, it can add to the stress a family experiences during a death and subsequent funeral planning.

So how do you preserve your family relationship and plan a funeral that provides comfort for each family member?

1. Establish a common goal. For example: “We want a funeral that reflects Mom’s life, her love for us and our love for her.”

2. Understand someone has the final say. This is usually the person who is financially and legally responsible.

3. Agree to listen to each other. REALLY listen with purpose. Listen to understand a point of view, not with the singular intent of getting to the good part where you get to say what you want.

4. Seek input from a variety of close family members or friends. Don’t forget the little ones. Ask them about grandma. What did they love to do with her? Do they have a special memory or story?

5. Let go. Realize everything is not going to be as you would choose. Give a little or maybe even a lot.

6. Ask for a time out when you need it. Your first reaction to someone’s idea may be tempered with a little time and thought.

7. Use your questions: Tell me more about that? Why is ______ important to you?

8. Take the advice of Stephen Covey from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, “Seek first to understand and then be understood.”

Emotions are raw when families are mourning a death. Tread lightly and be kind. Remember you may want to have Thanksgiving dinner with these people in a few months!

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Do I Really Need to Attend the Funeral?

Thu, 19 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Do I Really Need to Attend the Funeral?

Your presence is important. If there is any way possible, please, just be there. When a child is born it is a life changing event for the parents, siblings and grandparents at the very least. It may also be a life changing event for the kindergarten teacher five years in the future. Bottom line, life matters.

When a life ends, it is also a life-changing event. Regardless of the age at which the person dies or circumstances of the death, lives will change. Family and friends will never see that person again. They will not share in each other’s joy. Neither will they have the opportunity to heal old wounds. They will not hear that voice in praise, love or anger ever again. It’s over, and in some way everyone close will have to adjust to the change.

The funeral, the gathering together, acknowledges a living person is gone. Your presence says, “Yes, this life mattered. And, yes, your lives have changed. But not everything has changed, you still have us.” Going is important.

The funeral home is a safe place for the family to receive guests and their condolences. It’s ok to cry at the funeral home. In a few weeks when you see this friend of yours who lost her mom, you will want to say something. And when you do, the emotion will open up and the sadness will surface. Crying at the grocery store or the soccer field is uncomfortable for everyone.

When people organize a funeral gathering and ask friends and family to come to them to share in their loss and sorrow, to help them. Please go, hold a hand, give a hug, share a memory, offer your condolences, and smile at the video. Let them cry in a safe place.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Where Should I Send My Condolences?

Thu, 12 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Where Should I Send My Condolences?

Condolences do matter and timing is important.

Do not put off contacting your friend to express your sympathy. Options and opportunities may have changes over the decades, but the importance of reaching out to those suffering a loss has not. A call or a written note is always just right. Social media is just fine under some circumstances and a personal visit is lovely. Additionally, many funeral homes have a place on their website to post condolences. This format allows your expression of sympathy to be delivered privately and quickly.

So, let’s start with the newest trend - technology and social media. It’s so fast and so easy to access. If you are texting a co-worker several times a day about other things, it would seem rude to not mention the loss of her mother. Do use private messaging forms of social media with people you communicate with regularly in this manner. Caution!! Be very careful to not send a public condolence message using social media if your friend has not made an equally public announcement of his or her loss on the same platform. Do follow-up your message with a call or personal note. Finally, do not use electronic messaging if the receiver is not a regular user of tech.

Hand written notes or cards made for just this purpose should be mailed to the person closest to the deceased or to a personal friend who has experienced a loss. Your personal note should be simple. Thoughts such as you are sorry for their loss, you are thinking of them in this difficult time or they are in your thoughts and prayers are appropriate. If you knew the deceased, you might share a brief story about the person who died and shares your connection.

Should you make a condolence visit? Oh, my yes! A personal visit is the only way to give a hug. However, do call ahead. Do keep your visit brief and do focus on the grieving individual. Please, don’t say you know how they feel even if you share a similar experience. There will be a time for sharing later. For now, just let them know you are sorry for their loss. Come as a listener not a problem solver.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Why Plan Your Funeral In Advance?

Thu, 05 Sep 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Why Plan Your Funeral In Advance?

The story below illustrates the benefits of preplanning your funeral. Also known as an “advance funeral plan”, “preneed”, or a “preplanned funeral”, it is one of the few things in life where you can pay today’s prices for a product and service you may not need for many years down the road, thus saving you money.

We buried my dad last week. My dad’s funeral would have been just a little more than $8,000 not counting the luncheon or cemetery space. However, thanks to his pre-need funeral plan that he prepared 18 years ago at the funeral home, we got it for $5,000 and some change. Saving money wasn’t necessarily what motivated him to make the plan in advance. But, let me tell you, my mom was pretty pleased to know she didn't have to write that check.

Now, I should clarify something here. My mom is more than okay financially. Paying, even the full $8,000, for the funeral would not have been a financial issue. It was an emotional thing. She knew the death of my dad was going to change her life. She just didn’t know how it would change. So, everything, every action and especially spending money, increased her anxiety. We didn’t need that. Thank you, dad, for taking care of the plan and its cost well before it was needed.

What motivated my father to pre-plan was the fact we are a blended family. It’s not the we don’t all get along, we do (most of the time). But, we don’t all have the same taste. My sister, his oldest daughter, likes the earth tones. Our mom, his wife, on the other hand, likes the jewel tones. My dad picked a black casket and even said he wanted to be buried in his navy suit. Seems like small stuff, but it probably saved us all some angst. There was no fuss, no brown suit and no hurt feelings.

If my dad would have asked us 18 years ago if he should pre-plan and pre-pay for his funeral, I feel certain all five of us would have said, “Don’t worry about that. We can take care of it when we have to.” I am so grateful that he did not ask and that he did not think just about the money portion of an advance funeral plan. Dad, thank you for being smarter than us and knowing that we would need your emotional support even in death.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Who Should Record My Funeral Wishes?

Thu, 29 Aug 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Who Should Record My Funeral Wishes?

There is a woman who once thought that she’d like to have a hologram made of her wearing an Obi-Wan Kenobi robe for her funeral. Her four sons grew up during the Star Wars era and similar to Obi-Wan, she would love to pass along the wisdom she acquired over her lifetime to those she loves. And yes, she would also like to have the last word! So who should this woman see to discuss and share her wishes? Should she talk to an attorney? Her financial planner? Or a funeral director?

Both her attorney and financial planner suggested they could help but she wasn’t convinced based on her past experience. When her parents died the funeral was over before she even started to work on the finances and the estate. And there was so much attention paid to the final, final part…burial or cremation. She decided to contact her family funeral home and she met with Sue, the advance funeral planner. As it turns out, helping people get their funeral plans in place is Sue’s only job at the funeral home. And help this woman Sue did!

They talked about what this woman thought she wanted for her funeral plans. They talked a lot about her family – her husband, her four grown up sons, their wives and their children. Sue helped this woman see that although her sons would appreciate the Obi Wan idea, her husband would need something a little more traditional with a spiritual element. They talked about the cost and how she could keep that under control. They also talked about the burial and cremation options. Sue explained to the woman that if she wasn’t ready, she didn’t need to make a decision about burial or cremation. The woman ended up talking to her family about it and she was able to get her wishes recorded at the funeral home and she decided to use a payment plan. With her plan in place, she can go in and change her plans at any time (e.g. if she decides she wants to be cremated at a later date) and Sue will help her with that.

Sue also suggested the woman begin gathering those words of wisdom that she wants to share at her funeral and bring them to Sue so she can put them in the file. On the day of the woman’s funeral, the funeral directors will print these words of wisdom and hand them out to those attending the funeral. As it turns out, holograms aren’t available just yet, but Sue thinks they may be prior to this woman’s death.

In the end, leaving the finances to the financial planner, the will & estate planning to the attorney, and the funeral planning to the funeral home made the most sense for this woman.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

Thu, 22 Aug 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Five Tips to Help with the Year of Firsts

The first year following the death of someone dear—a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, or a good friend—is frequently referred to as “the year of firsts.” It will be the first time the holidays, birthdays, and the occasions both sad and happy that were shared and witnessed with the person who has passed will come and go alone, without the loved one. For most people it is a tough year. Still there are things that can be done to make experiencing these milestones easier.

1. Avoid being blindsided

Keep an eye on your calendar. Know what is coming. Be aware of the approaching anniversary, birthday, holiday or time of year when you always took a vacation with the person who has died is approaching. Do not let the day sneak up on you and catch you off guard.

2. Know that ignoring the occasion won’t help

When a sensitive occasion is noted on the horizon it may be tempting to think about just ignoring it and letting the day pass. That seldom works out well. Most find the loss of sharing the day with one’s special person cannot be ignored. Trying to do so may mean spending the day alone with a great big elephant in the room.

These are things everyone who has experienced a loss must go through. There is no going around. Grief is often likened to a journey. The first year is full of milestones encountered along the path to living life without the person who was loved. The end of the journey is not forgetting that person, it is finding a way to live life without the loved one in it.

3. Make a plan

Decide how you will mark the occasion. For some a trip to the cemetery will feel right. It might be a good idea to ask a friend or someone who shares your loss to come along. For others it may mean coming up with an alternative plan for spending a holiday. If the day was always celebrated with family at mom’s house and it is mom who has died, the family may all need to be included in how the day will be best celebrated.

4. Acknowledge your loss

Just as ignoring the day is not a good strategy, neither is ignoring the fact someone is missing from the celebration. Perhaps it will be appropriate to acknowledge your loss privately by making a visit to the cemetery or church to say a prayer or have a “chat” with your loved one. In some instances, you may find yourself spending the day with others who share your loss. In that case it may be lovely to include a mention, toast, or other remembrance of the one who died.

5. Include others

If you can, avoid spending the day alone. Do something with someone you love. It doesn’t have to be the same thing you always did with the person who is gone. While it may be enjoyable to carry on a tradition for some, for others the tradition may feel hallow when done with a “replacement person.” What you do should be something you enjoy. The idea is to own your loss, making an effort to celebrate the occasion in a way that is pleasant.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Make Family the Foundation for Funeral Planning

Thu, 15 Aug 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Make Family the Foundation for Funeral Planning

There are two ways to take care of funeral planning: 1) you can plan your own funeral in advance or 2) your survivors can plan your funeral for you after your death. Regardless of when it is planned, or who plans the funeral, the planning needs to start with your family. Your family should be the foundation for funeral planning.

After all, the funeral is not really for the deceased…it is for those who survive. We show respect for all human life in the manner in which we care for the body that housed the soul or spirit of our loved one. Respect and dignity for the body is important. The funeral helps those of us who survive by changing our focus from the cause of the death to the life that was lived. The funeral is the beginning of our grieving process and that is why funerals are so important.

If you are planning in advance for your own final remembrance, begin by thinking of those who love you. Your spouse, your children, your grandchildren, your friends and even your co-workers, what will they remember? What will make them smile? What will comfort them? What will they need? When they think of you what will come to mind? How is faith a part of their lives?

If you are planning a funeral for a deceased family member, involve the children, grandchildren and even close friends in the process. Ask them how they remember their friend or relative. Remember, we have all had a unique relationship with the deceased, so what you want to remember may be different from what your brother remembers. Ask your funeral director for ideas so they can help you capture and express the unique personality of your family member in the service plan.

For many years funeral planning started with a different set of questions. It started with questions about the faith. What church did your mother belong to? It followed with questions about the decedent’s wishes. What do you think your dad would want? These are still good valid questions but basing the entire funeral plan on only these aspects may not touch every family member.

Mother may have preferred that no one see her after death, but if you, her daughter, need to see her, speak up. If you don’t share your brother’s faith and you need to hear a eulogy that is all about his life or see pictures that bring back your time growing up together, speak up. The imprint of the funeral sticks with the surviving family. It is literally the last memory we carry of someone we loved.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Who Will Take Care of My Funeral Plans?

Thu, 08 Aug 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Who Will Take Care of My Funeral Plans?

It is not uncommon for people to ask themselves, “Since I never had any children, who will take care of my funeral plans?” That is all the more reason to preplan your own funeral!

Each state has laws that say who will “own” your body when you die. The “owner” is responsible for making and paying for your funeral service and “final disposition”. Final disposition is simply what happens to your body in the end and those choices include burial, cremation or donation. Regardless of disposition, a funeral service with or without a religious component will take place before or after disposition. These are all choices the responsible person will make.

If you are to be cremated, there is still the matter of what will be done with your cremated remains. They can be kept by a family member, scattered on private property, buried in a cemetery, or kept in a columbarium niche. Again, this is a choice the responsible person will need to make.

In most states the responsible person is your spouse. When there is no legal marriage then your parent will be responsible. If your parents are deceased, then your child will take the lead. When there are no children then your eldest sibling will be responsible.

As you can see, this system only works if you and your family are all of like mind regarding the funeral and you are on the same page regarding faith. Since this is not always the case, you can break the legal chain and designate a person of your choice to carry out your wishes.

It’s not at all difficult or even expensive. You just need to call the funeral home of your choice, ask for an appointment with the person who does the pre-planning. Be sure to tell that individual that you want to designate someone to carry out your wishes. He or she will need to get the proper paperwork for you to complete this task.

This is also a perfect time to talk to the pre-planning person at the funeral home about your ideas regarding both your funeral service and your final disposition. A funeral professional can help you get everything written down so that your designated person will know just what to do. Since this person will also bear the financial burden for your funeral service and burial or cremation, you will want to talk to the advance funeral planner about eliminating that burden by prefunding your plan.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

How Much Do Funerals Cost?

Thu, 01 Aug 2024 04:00:00 GMT

How Much Do Funerals Cost?

For most of us, one of our first questions when we think we need a funeral home soon is, “How much will it cost?” It’s understandable that everyone wants a simple answer to this question. Unfortunately, there is no one simple answer.

Think of the last time you bought a pair of shoes. It’s not really helpful to know that the average cost of a pair of shoes is $75.00. So, what does an “average” pair of shoes look like? Shoes come in many different sizes, colors and styles. You wouldn’t expect to call the shoe store and ask, “How much does a pair of shoes cost?” Everyone needs some help finding the right fit for his or her feet. You also understand that you’ll need to share more information about the kind of shoe you are seeking before you find the cost.

It’s the same with funerals. The funeral you choose will need to fit your family’s needs as well as your budget. The funeral director will help you with both. You will be pleased to know funeral homes are required to have standardized prices for everything they do. This price list must be printed and available for you. You should also take comfort in knowing there will be a range of prices associated with the choices you will be making. The funeral director wants you to be satisfied with both the service you select and with the costs associated with those services.

As soon as you are able, it is a good idea to call the funeral home and ask to set up a time to meet with a funeral director to review your options and prices. There should be no cost for this meeting. This is the best way to assure that you understand what is involved with the various services so that you can get the best value for your dollar. You can schedule this kind of meeting with as many funeral homes as you desire.

At first, this may seem like a lot of work. The reality is, however, that you’ll obtain far more information by meeting with the funeral director versus searching online or making phone calls. You’ll save time, too. Don’t wait to set up that meeting if you think you’ll need a funeral home soon.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

Thu, 25 Jul 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Funerals are for Saints and Sinners

These days we’re hearing a lot about life celebrations. A funeral is a ceremony for someone who has died and the survivors. A celebration of life is a funeral with a celebratory feel and it may or may not have a faith-based component. Celebrating the life of the accomplished, the kind, and the generous feels natural. It feels like something we should do.

On the other hand, what do we do about the “broken” people? The bullies, the addicted, the angry, or those who just never got it all together. What do we do when they die? Most of us have one or more imperfect people in our immediate circle.

The loss of one of these folks is real and it hurts. Because they are gone, our lives will not be the same. We may be relieved of a burden, but we are also without hope. The hope that we will get a hug or a kind word is gone. The hope that a child will get sober and realize the potential you knew was there is gone. The hope that we will hear “I’m sorry” or understand the reason behind the addiction, the anger, or the hatred is now gone. It’s painful. Someone we love has died. Having a funeral will help.

It can be hard to know just what to do when “celebration” doesn’t feel right. This may be especially true if a faith-based service does not feel like the right fit. Ask your funeral director for help. There are funeral celebrants who are not attached to a church who can help you find the right fit. Your funeral director can help you find the right person.

Funerals are always for the survivors. Regardless of how the deceased spent their time on this earth, survivors need to gather with each other and their friends. Everyone needs to share in a safe place. All survivors grieve. We all need the opportunity to begin our grief journey in a healthy way. A funeral, a ceremony for someone who has died, is the beginning of that journey.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Control Funeral Costs by Planning Ahead

Thu, 18 Jul 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Control Funeral Costs by Planning Ahead

How does planning for your funeral in advance save you money? Doesn’t it just let the funeral home make money on your money? How big a part should emotion play in your funeral selections?

First, let’s be honest. Emotion is not a bad thing. Some life events should move us emotionally.

Marriage, birth, and death all appropriately tug at our heartstrings. But the cost of all three can also get out of hand if you make all the decisions when emotions are running high.

Put the word “wedding” in front of anything and the cost doubles. If you’ve ever planned a wedding you know that the dress will cost you half as much if you buy it far in advance instead of just before you need it. The same is true of funerals.

When you and your spouse sit down together with the funeral director, well in advance, you’ll feel a little emotion as you consider the reality of your death.

But that little tug is nothing compared to what your husband or wife will feel if you don’t prepare in advance and they’re making those decisions alone hours after you’ve died.

Emotional overspending happens. Funeral directors don’t make it happen. In fact, they don’t like it either.

Advance planning allows you to make all the decisions that determine the final cost. Making them together with cool heads and warm hearts saves dollars.

Planning ahead eliminates the excessive spending that can occur when someone is in a heightened emotional state.

Think back to wedding planning.

Starting early can also help you absorb the cost over a longer period of time. That means you don’t drag the wedding debt into your brand new marriage.

When you plan your funeral in advance, you will also have the option of paying for it over time. That means you don’t have to take money from your savings or investments and your survivors won’t have the financial burden of paying for your funeral days after your passing. Advance planning eliminates the need for a lump sum payment when death occurs.

All money set aside in advance for a funeral should be held with a third party. Nearly all funeral homes participate in programs that hold the dollars in either insurance or a trust product until the death occurs.

The funeral home should not have access to your funds and the insurance products they use should have an increasing death benefit to help offset inflation, providing a cushion for increasing funeral costs.

Consult with an advance planning specialist for more details.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

Food and Funerals

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 04:00:00 GMT

Food and Funerals

Why is food such a fundamental part of any funeral?

Food provides comfort and strength. A gift of food shows that we care. It’s natural to connect food with the healing process of a funeral.

When should you give food? What’s helpful without being overwhelming? How do you accept food graciously without having to buy a second refrigerator?

If you’re helping a friend who is dealing with the death of a loved one, a gift of food is appropriate before the funeral, at the conclusion of the funeral, and even weeks or months after the funeral.

As you think about your gift, be aware that your friend may not even know they’re hungry. They likely won’t be able to tell you what they want or need.

Take the initiative and make it easy on them. Call with a simple offer that can be changed to meet the needs of those on the receiving end. You might say something like this:

“I’d like to bring your family dinner tomorrow evening. I thought I’d bring you a turkey roast with a broccoli casserole. Will that work for you? I’ll bring dinner by around 10:30 a.m. It’ll be all ready for you to warm in the oven or microwave.”

When you’re on the receiving end, be gracious, but honest.

Your friends want to help you. If their offer won’t be helpful, give them an opportunity to make a different suggestion.

“Thank you for your offer, but we’re all set for the next few days. May I have a rain check?”

If you’re part of a close circle of friends, consider coordinating with others in your group to cover the family’s food needs on different days and with a variety of dishes.

Consider breakfast food. A basket with granola, muffins, or a breakfast casserole may be a nice change.

Sheet pan dinners, where the entire meal is cooked on one pan in the oven, are easy for both parties. You can find lots of recipes online.

If you don’t cook, consider giving a gift card for a local restaurant that offers take out.

Whatever you do, don’t forget your friend after the funeral is over. Most people find sitting alone at the dinner table one of the bigger challenges of their bereavement.

A loaf of your famous zucchini bread will be greatly appreciated and it’ll be even better if you can share it together over a cup of tea.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

How to Say the Right Thing at a Funeral

Thu, 04 Jul 2024 04:00:00 GMT

How to Say the Right Thing at a Funeral

First, take a deep breath and relax. We all worry that we’ll say the wrong thing.

Second, know that you don’t have to be eloquent. While we wish it were so, you can’t make everything all better with a few words.

Here are a few simple ideas to keep in mind to be sure you say the right thing when attending a funeral.

Don’t underestimate the power of your presence.

It’s important. Just being there says more than you can know.

Keep your words simple.

“I’m sorry for your loss” may be all that is needed.

Share your story.

If you have a brief anecdote about how you interacted with the deceased, share it. Knowing how her sister lit up her workplace may just be the most comforting thing a mourner can hear.

Use the deceased person’s name.

“Mary always made me laugh.” “John had the longest drive, too bad it wasn’t always straight.” “We always knew when Big Bad Byron was in the plant, everyone was on their toes.” “Nobody made better chocolate chip cookies than your mother.”

Avoid using common platitudes.

Resist the temptation to tell the bereaved how they must feel -- “grateful that he is in a better place,” “relieved that his suffering is over,” “grateful for a long life,” etc.

We don’t know how that wife, husband, mother, son, or daughter actually feels. Just say you’re sorry for their loss.

Let them tell you how they feel and accept it with a nod or hug.

Don’t forget about listening.

Listen to understand, not just to hear. Listen to show you care, not to judge. Listen with love, even when you’ve heard the story before.

https://www.sacramentofuneralandcremation.com/

What Do Funeral Directors Do?

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 04:00:00 GMT